


The Loss Is Immeasurable | So Is The Love Left Behind

by CatherineWinner



Category: The Eagle | The Eagle of the Ninth (2011)
Genre: Angst, Family Bonding, Fluff with hints of smut, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Reunions, Separation, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatherineWinner/pseuds/CatherineWinner
Summary: The 9th was gone.They had proven it, grieved it and buried it.It was no longer the time of the 9th, of Rome or even the Aquila legacy, it was theirs. They had earned it.  But they would never get it, Rome was claiming her son and Esca would lose everything.
Relationships: Marcus Flavius Aquila/Esca Mac Cunoval
Comments: 10
Kudos: 23





	1. The Loss

**Author's Note:**

> Unedited...because...reasons.(I'm lazy, that's the reason folks, let's not pretend)
> 
> Judge me kindly! I'm a sucker for angst and this has been floating around my head forever so here we go. 
> 
> Reviews would be awesome <3

He didn’t think that he had anything left for Rome to take.

It took his family, his childhood, his home, his faith. It tore away his happiness, his health and his humanity. It stole his body and mind, it stole the ability to embrace without fear. Rome took away the safety he had experienced as a child and was promised as a man. 

When they returned with the Eagle, Esca dared to hope that Rome would take nothing more from him. Esca had walked alongside Marcus for days as Marcus told him of the gifts and goods they would be rewarded with. Esca had allowed himself to believe in the words his companion spoke. 

When they returned his freedom was announced, Marcus’s Uncle embraced him in respect and gratitude. He was given his own room, food and coin. He spent his first night within the walls of Rome as a free man.

A free man with a new sort of family that welcomed him. A new sort of companion that he had never considered until fates had forced him to consider Marcus as a man of worth and not an enemy to be resisted. 

When he woke he was greeted with food, water to wash himself, and Marcus with a smile on his face. Esca savored all three and allowed himself to embrace his new reality of happiness. Marcus was in his element, a finally proud Roman, a man who reclaimed his honor and had been and would continue to be regarded with praise for it. And ever generous with his fame, he had been magnetic to be around. 

Esca could feel himself beaming with pride, and savoring the pleasure of seeing Marcus in such a state. They savored it for weeks. Healing from their journey, sharing the story often. Marcus had not left Esca’s side the entire time. 

They ended up sharing the same room after the first night of attempted separation. Esca had woken to Marcus creeping into his room, his cloak wrapped lightly around him. 

Neither man spoke as Esca maneuvered his body to create space beside him. Marcus laid himself alongside the smaller man and exhaled in relief.

“These are your rooms.” Marcus whispered into the darkness, “You owe nothing to me or anyone else. If you want me to leave you need only say it and I will.”

If Esca hadn’t seen this man in every way a man could be seen, he may have misunderstood him. But they had been through everything a man can and knew each other in every way. He was asking for approval and Esca couldn’t help the smile and spread across his face. 

Esca rolled to lay facing him as Marcus kept his eyes fixed above them. 

“I want you here.” 

So Marcus had not left his side or bed, not that night or any night since.

They were the best nights of Esca's life, they were filled with delight, passion and discussions of their future. Esca slept wrapped in warmth and safety, feeling confidence in the future they were building with each shared whispered or eager touch in the darkness. 

Time was theirs, their future was this and more, they were all they wanted. 

  
  


Until the Centurion came. 

  
  


That night Marcus had excused himself for a private audience and had not returned to the room that had been Esca’s and then became theirs. 

Esca had soothed himself by plotting and planning their future. Marcus had agreed to give farming a chance, had loved the idea so much they were instantly day dreaming the types of sheep and dogs they would keep. Marcus’s Uncle had been eager to engage in the conversation, giving his resources to them fully. Esca could see their future before them, all that was left was for it to be claimed. 

“They are offering me the 9th.” 

Esca heard the words but made no sense of them. Marcus was laying half next to him, a watered glass of wine in his hand, and a conflicted, hesitant smile on his face. 

Esca had not realized he’d fallen asleep until he woke to those words. The panic overwhelmed him and he felt frozen to where he laid.

The 9th was gone. 

They had proven it, grieved it and buried it. 

It was no longer the time of the 9th, of Rome or even the Aquila legacy, it was theirs. They had earned it. But they would never get it, Rome was claiming her son and Esca would lose everything. 

He must have uttered those words for all to hear as Marcus answered him. “They would reinstate it and give it to me. My command would be limited,” he glanced at his knee, “but it would be mine, I could lead again. With honor and lead my men to unimaginable feats....” 

Esca heard the words continue but nothing stuck with him, he found his body rejecting the closeness to Marcus. 

It was torn between anger and shock, his limbs felt numb and he felt his heart fracture. He was on his feet and moving away without a thought to his actions. 

\- 

Marcus found him in the court yard hours later.

Esca had seated himself in a stunned silence and had not bothered to move. Marcus stood feet in front of him, Esca knew he could see the grief written into his expression, he made no move to try to hide away his feelings. 

He doubted his success in an attempt, the shock was only beginning to submit to the rage. Neither he wanted to protect Marcus from. 

He stood and moved past Marcus, each step swifty taking him back to his rooms. He felt foot hit tile and dismissed the noise he created, he cared not if he woke the whole house. 

Marcus followed him silently, a ghost already. 

“Esca.” his name was a plea and Esca was unmoved by it.

“Go back to your room Marcus. This space is one that your Uncle has provided me. One you assured me would be mine and mine alone.” 

He heard a sharp inhale from Marcus. His shot had landed and been felt. 

“Leave me and go to your Rome and the 9th.” He let loose another attack, Esca could feel his anger building. 

“The farm- our farm,” Marcus started his voice wounded, but Esca quickly cut him off. “My farm will be my future. Rome will be yours. It always has been, I was childish to hope otherwise. You may leave this room now.”

The anger and authority was easy to spit out but Esca knew he could not maintain it for much longer, his own grief was going to swallow him. The rage had not sustained him as he had hoped. 

Marcus moved away from him, and Esca felt his absence instantly. 

He was alone again. 

Rome had taken another part of his soul and he would feel the loss for years. He clamped his eyes closed and sobbed into the darkness. 

-

Marcus was gone by morning.

Esca had heard the assembly, slaves preparing for the departure, Roman soldiers shouting orders, and Marcus’s Uncle’s affectionate voice giving a farewell. 

He heard nothing of Marcus’s voice, he was glad of it. 

Rome had taken him, there was no room for hope. Marcus was a ghost to him now, in the same way his family only lived in his memories, Marcus was only real in his mind and the memories that felt so close to his heart.


	2. The Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was much day drinking involved in ending this chapter! Reviews would make my whole day! <3

Marcus’s Uncle continued to welcome Esca for months after Marcus left. 

He had been eager to help Esca find the right land for him to farm. Esca spent time learning from the older man, an odd sort of friendship was built between them, neither mentioning Marcus, the older man realizing that was a forbidden topic for the former slave . They spoke often, about land, animals, politics, religion, and debated the later topics extensively. Esca was amazed to find that this man now viewed him as an equal and was happy to treat him as such.

Esca found that he liked the older man, enjoyed his wit and humor, found his knowledge to be vast and easily given. Yet, he did not forget in any moment that this was the Roman that bought him for a life of servitude. The contempt he held for this man was slight but strong, he had always been a man but Marcus’s Uncle only saw him as such until he had been given freedom by Roman standards. 

Esca had a long memory, he would not forget the pain this man had caused him, nor any other roman.

_Yet may you can forgive him as you did Marc-_

Esca stopped his own thought with a firm shake of his head. He did not think of that name any longer. Esca only had the future to consider. 

“The property that you had looked at in the West my old friend mentioned has poor soil. No one can grow there, that is why they are so eager for you to take it quickly.” The old man offered one day as they sat together to eat their late afternoon meal.

Esca tore into his cold slab of meat, his gratitude for the improved cuisines was endless. He savored the taste for a moment before he responded.

The older man had quickly become aware of the ways that Esca was treated differently by those he was doing business with. Esca found himself grateful for the way the other man who sat at a negotiation with him and simply dismissed offers that were blatantly demeaning. 

“So then the land to the north is still the best suited to my needs.” He summarized, the benefit of having the older man’s knowledge, resources and connections had been another thing that he had felt gratitude for. 

“It seems that way. If you will permit me, I can manage the details.” The older man offered as he savored his wine, “If all goes well you could be on the land before summer truly begins.”

Esca felt a flare of joy, only to have it tempered by the old man’s next words.

“It will be much work to make the land into what you want it for, but you are young and strong and have many years of strength left.”

He’d be alone in this. Esca had not wanted to be alone in this. He should not be alone in this.

But he was alone in this future of theirs. 

-

  
Esca spent two years of hard labor before his little garden produced even a single carrot. Yet when it did the pride he felt was nothing short of all consuming.

He felt too much pride to feel silly that night as he wrote a brief letter to Marcus’s Uncle informing him of the feet. They had exchanged letters over the years, sometimes brief check ins while others were multiple pages of an ongoing ethics debate they had going. Esca enjoyed both and valued that this man had not simply let him leave his life. 

_Unlike his nephew who had no problem-_

Esca spat out a curse towards himself. The intrusive thoughts hadn’t faded despite the years and the hard labor. He found himself wishing he could advice on where to put the horses, or what grain would grow best, he found that he did not want advice from the neighbors he sometimes sat with on cold nights, or the old man that he exchanged letters with. 

He hated that he still longed for the one man who saw him, freed him, loved him, and then left him. 

The nights were the worst, some of the nights were when Esca couldn’t breath from the grief of his losses. He created a small altar for his family, dedicated goods to their memories and shamed himself by whispering kind words to the Gods on Marcus’s behalf. 

He would pretend the latter was gone in the same way his family was gone from him. He would link the grief of abandonment to the grief of death. Esca would mourn them all so that hope never felt possible.

That farce would shatter that following spring.

-

His neighbor, Leath, was a simple man, a kind man but a man who did not inspire any concern or caution. Esca had made a point to introduce himself to the man when he had purchased the land so close to his. He had wanted to size up the man and give him the chance to see that Esca could be a compliant ally or a cruel enemy. Esca never truly felt safe with a Roman but he trusted that Leath wanted no trouble and sought only a peaceful life.

Leath had visited before, one occasion due to wanting to gift him leftover peaches his wife had preserved. A gesture that quickly led into a request for his hands in repairing a tool. 

Another visit had involved panic and fear for his child’s health. Esca had left immediately, running the miles to the nearest village for a healer.

This visit was not like the others. Leath’s sudden appearance was accompanied by a ghost from his own past.

“Greetings Esca.” His neighbor had started kindly, not yet seeing the way Esca’s eyes were locked on the man standing a foot behind him.

“Marcus…” he could have spoken the name in contempt, shock, or relief. Esca himself did not know.

Marcus’s shoulder’s were slumped in a way that Esca only remembered from his time as a slave, but they weren’t that low nor was his gaze downcast. Instead Marcus’s eyes were heated and fixed on him. 

He felt everything, relief, grief, pain,joy,longing,satisfaction, and oh god, lust. He felt everything and acted on nothing, he stood frozen to his spot.

“You had already met my hired man?” Leath asked in surprise, glancing between both men.

“Hired man?” Esca frowned, genuinely confused. 

Marcus stepped forward, placing himself on even footing as Leath, his body facing Esca and his eyes so determined that Esca instantly knew that the Centurion had another mission. 

“Hello old friend.” Marcus offered, Esca could hear his affection in the greeting. His heart beat rapidly in response.

He offered a curt nod, unsure if his voice would be able to respond.

“My man wanted aid finding your land-” Leath started, his voice unsure as he glanced confused between the men.

“He is not your man.” Esca snapped before he realized the words were out of his mouth. He felt instant shame as Leath appeared contrite. “That man belongs to Rome.”

Silence filled the space and Esca hated Marcus more in that moment, he was not a rude man but leave it to this Roman to bring it out in him.

“Apologizes Leath.” He offered his arm in greeting to his neighbor. “I am reopening old wounds that cannot be healed.”

Leath grasped his arm and gave a gentle smile, “No apologies, we are neighbors and we help each other even with old wounds.”

The warmth of his words made Esca smile. “Thank you.” 

Esca released his grasp then moved his gaze to Marcus. “Come inside, the weather is turning too hot and I have ale for us.”

The three men slowly entered his hut of home. It had been constructed quickly and with the most basic of designs. One single room was the entity of his home, a fireplace, a small bed and an even smaller table. Oddly enough he had forced himself to create two stools, despite only having one ass to place in them. He had convinced himself that it was because of his need to provide comfort for any neighbor that may drop by.

He had lied to himself. He had hoped and now it was a reality.

Leath and Marcu sat themselves on the stools by the table while Esca tended to the fire and poured Ale into mugs he had been gifted by Marcus’s Uncle. 

Esca handed the mug to both men, trying to ignore the silence that Marcus embraced yet how loud his eyes were speaking as they latched onto his own.

Leath cleared his throat. “Marcus joined us a few months back, has been a great aid to the farm.”

Esca dragged a stump toward the table and sat a foot away from Marcus. He would look back at this moment and realize he had maneuvered himself to be as close as possible to Marcus without breaking what was proper.

“All he asked was to a bed and to eventually be guided to you.” Leath offered honestly, fixing his eyes on Esca. “He worked hard for this, he offered hard labor for something I would have done for free.”

Esca nodded and dropped his head at Leath’s words.

“I have much to earn, and I have much to prove.” Marcus muttered. His words sounded horse and Esca realized the weight of them.

Leath shrugged, “You do not give yourself the credit you are due. You worked hard for my family and saved me many hours of labor that would have given me lasting discomfort. A centurion turned well digger is not what I expected to see in my lifetime.”

Esca turned toward Marcus and fixed his gaze upon him. He saw the man for the first time. 

Truly. 

Marcus was thicker, weight having been gained, muscled having been grown. His face had more lines, this caused him a flare of grief to realize those lines had been created by frowns. 

These last several years had not been kind to him. Marcus was burnt from the sun, his skin littered with dirt and blemishes. His hands were filled with scabs and scars. Esca could tell they had used him as a Centurion, used his body and soul. He was dark, harder, more drained of life than when he left. Esca’s anger towards Rome was reignited.

They used this man to every inch of his abilities and left him with nothing. 

“Our bargain is complete then Centurion?” Leath looked toward Marcus. 

Marcus nodded and swallowed a mouth of ale. Esca hated that he wished he had better to provide to him. He did not want him to find fault in the only thing Esca could afford.

He did not want him to leave. Esca bit his tongue in anger. 

“It is.” Marcus confirmed.

Leath swallowed the rest of his ale in a single go. “I will excuse myself. Neighbors can only aid in the healing and my aid has reached its end.”

He grasped both men’s arms in a goodbye and was gone so quickly Esca realized he hadn’t been prepared for this moment. 

Esca hadn’t even allowed himself to dream of this moment. 

Marcus watched Leath leave through the door then dropped his eyes to the table.

Esca wrapped both hands around his own mug.

“Am I welcomed?”Marcus asked in a faint voice.

Esca closed his eyes, both hating himself and thriving on Marcus’s presence in his space. He thought of the words he had whispered years ago in another setting.

“I want you here.”

The weight and pain in Marcus’s eyes lifted by his words and Esca hated that pride and joy filled him. Esca’s anger was gone, the hurt fading, and the resentment of years apart breaking apart when faced with the joy of being in the presence of this man.

“You are mine then?” Esca asked, staring at the centurion with force.

“I was always yours.” Marcus muttered, “I was wrong to think otherwise, I was wrong to think that the 9th held anything for my future. It was always the past. Always my grief.

You, this,” Marcus lifted his head and looked around the home, “has always been what I wanted. 

Esca swallowed the last of his ale and deposited the mug on the table then stood. Marcus set his mug on the table and squared his shoulders, he shifted his position to face Esca, open to whatever Esca’s next step was.

Esca realized he was offering himself in every way. Pain or pleasure Marcus was allowing Esca to lead. Esca stood then took the step towards Marcus and sat on his lap, shifting his legs on either side of him.Esca lifted his hands and cradled the other man's face. Marcu’s hands went instinctually up his back, Esca felt the care and protection they offered.

He felt whole again.

“Mine.” He uttered, his eyes fixed on the full lips of his man before him.

“Yours.” Marcus confirmed a half moment before Esca fixated his lips over his and consumed him.

So Marcus did not leave his side or bed, not that night or any night. Esca’s farm became their farm, Esca’s future became their future.

Time was theirs, their future was this and more, they were all they wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang with me on tumblr! sunrunnersiond1013.tumblr.com ! Let me know what you think! I desperately need Marcus/Esca folks to chat with! Thanks for reading!


End file.
